Anorak News | Boy, Oh Girl!

Boy, Oh Girl!

by | 31st, October 2003

‘YESTERDAY, the Mirror announced that Sir Paul McCartney and his wife Heather Mills had given birth to a baby boy.

‘She’s got her father’s penis’

This morning, the papers apologises that this news was only half right – Heather had given birth to a baby but the baby was not a boy.

Only half right? That’s like announcing that Iain Duncan Smith won the vote of confidence and will not remain as leader of the Tory party.

It’s like saying Jordan’s breasts are natural, Naomi Campbell is a joy to work with and Kelly Brook is happier with her clothes on.

It’s just wrong – but for once the Sun does not revel in its rival’s discomfort. Doing so would involve the admission that it was scooped by the Mirror on the birth itself.

Not only is Macca Jnr a girl but the girl’s name is Bea, thereby doing the headline writers’ job for them with both the Sun and Star opting for “Let It Bea”.

The Express (which outdoes itself this morning with its front page of gloom – “Measles Epidemic To Strike Britain”; “Taxes To Go Up Again”; “Stamp Duty Up 300%”) reports the happy news under the curious heading “Let It Be Beatrice”.

In other news, we read in the Star that Renee Zellwegger is being offered £2m by WeightWatchers to lose the weight she’s piled on to star opposite Hugh Grant in the new Bridget Jones film.

And in the Mail we see that Martine McCutcheon put on 10lb to play opposite Hugh Grant in the movie Love Actually.

Given that she attributed her recent weight loss to “loadsa shagging”, we can only assume that the secret to Martine’s fuller figure is a diet of chastity, chastity and more chastity.’

Posted: 31st, October 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink