Anorak News | Cheeky Girl

Cheeky Girl

by | 14th, November 2003

‘THIS weekend is the last chance for all but one Frenchman to witness that great British institution – Kylie’s bottom.

The Russian judge surprises everyone when he gives a 0.8

The owner of the buttocks in question may be Australian, but it is over here that her derriere has been raised to iconic status.

However, at the age of 35, Kylie has decided that it time for her bottom to retire from showbusiness, vowing to keep it covered up in future.

But not before 4,000 lucky fans are given one last chance to admire the twin cheeks as a gig called Money Can’t Buy at the Carling Apollo in Hammersmith, London.

“Kylie always wants to please her fans,” a source tells the Star, “and she’s aware that her bottom is very important to them.

“To that end, she’s going to give them a bit of what they want. After Saturday night, she wants to keep it for Olivier’s eyes only.”

And well might boyfriend Olivier Martinez feast his eyes on the peach-like posterior, says Professor John Manning, of the University of Central Lancashire’s psychology department.

He tells the Mail that the key to a perfect backside lies in the ratio between the waist and the hips, which should ideally have a ratio of 0.7.

“A shape such as this provides firm evidence of their child-bearing qualities and is guaranteed to please men,” he says.

And needless to say Kylie boasts the perfect 0.7 ratio, which (says the Mail) explains why her “tiny waist and rounded bum are seen by many as the best in the business”.

What business exactly the Mail is referring to, but it cannot be as fun as the business of academia.

In the past two days alone we have had reports that drinking Guinness is good for the heart, sex is good for warding off colds and now why Kylie has the perfect bottom.

And only last week, researchers announced that they had developed an aerodynamic beer mat.

Boffins may not get paid a fortune, but when they spend their days down the pub staring at women’s arses and chatting about sex, we shouldn’t feel too sorry for them.’

Posted: 14th, November 2003 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink