Anorak News | A Land Of Plenty

A Land Of Plenty

by | 27th, November 2003

‘DID you see how bonzer a time Jonny Wilkinson had in Australia recently? Sure, he was called boring and Pom-bashed and mashed, but did you see the rain?

A rock

That was pure golden rain. And if you’d been there in Oz to see it you’d have realised that it’s not like our cold, flat rain, but a kind of rain chardonnay, with a little body and fizz.

Very soon such useful facts about Oz will be made available in a public information film. You will all be called upon one by one to have your eyelids propped open with cocktail sticks and forced to watch images of men with red necks, kangaroos, sand and cold tinnies.

All the while, Rolf Harris’s Two Little Boys will be pumped into your ears.

The message will be made clear: “Go Oz! Go Now!”

By way of a taster, others have been sent as a kind of first wave. Like Charlie’s cat, they will do stupid things, such as forgetting to wear sunscreen and not looking inside boots for scorpions.

Tonight Channel 4 follows a few more of them in A New Life Down Under at 8pm. Look on and wonder why you have not made the trip.

Go on, make some more room for the rest of us in Blighty; clear a few hospital beds; vacate a few properties.

Go away and do not ever come back!’

Posted: 27th, November 2003 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink