Sausage Time

”’THE only tense moment comes when David tries to tempt his lovely wife to an extra chipolata.”

”Just one more chipolata…”

So writes OK! as it invites us to join them in ”celebrating Christmas with Victoria and David”.

(Just like Lassie, Jesus and Santa, you know you’ve really arrived when you’re identifiable by just your first name.)

And so it is that we take a gander at how David Beckham and Posh Spice are preparing for the festive season.

And what’s this? We seem to have arrived at Beckingham Palace as the couple are being visited by Justin Timberlake and Prince William.

”Luckily,” says the magazine, ”Justin isn’t crying a river but seems to be in the mood for a party.”

And so too the prince, who, as the mag says, is getting in the mood for things to come by wearing a golden paper crown from one of the crackers.

Later, after the chipolatas have been eaten and the jokes been told, the foursome indulge in a game of Twister followed by a sing-a-long around the old piano.

Cheeky Justin picks up Victoria under his arm and with a rare musical ability utilises a turkey leg as an impromptu drumstick to rap out a tune on her ribs.

But the notes seem a little crackly, and Victoria screaming out in pain manages to sound more tuneful than usual.

That prince has less of a plum in his mouth than a stick of chewing gum.

And judging by the way Timberlake’s moving he wants less two front teeth for Christmas and more two new feet.

The jig is up! These are impostors, mere look-alikes. We are not looking at the real Wills, Just, Day-vid and Posh.

Or, maybe we are..?’

Posted: 23rd, December 2003 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink