Anorak News | In The Drink

In The Drink

by | 14th, January 2004

‘YOU lishening carefully? No, you lishening really, really carefully? Cos I’ve got shomething really, really important to tell you.

Nine out of then drunks would marry Britney Spears

No, I’m not pished. I’ve jusht had a couple of little, weeny, little vodkas. Anyway, what was I shaying?

Yesh, there are a shocking, really, really shocking 3.8 million people in this country, that’s Britain, you understand, who are dependent on booze. Not me. I’ve jusht had a couple of shandies.

But one in 13 of the population ish an alcoholic. That’sh almosht one for every football team, although Arshenal used to have enough for the resht of the teamsh put together.

Anyway, there’s lots and lots and lots of people who really, really like their booze and more people die from drinking too much than from heroin, crack, ecstasy and methadone put together.

Which is a silly think to do with heroin, crack, ecstasy and methadone. Much better to take them on their own, you know. Not that I approve of drugsh. Of coursh, not.

Tonight Channel 4 presentsh Pished On The Job, which ish not something you’d ever catch me doing.’

Posted: 14th, January 2004 | In: Celebrities Comment | TrackBack | Permalink