Puff Daddy

‘DESPITE the best efforts of Colin Farrell to scare Hollywood off, the Enquirer brings news that Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston are going all out to have a baby.

‘Now, who was I married to again?’

And so committed are they to the cause that Brad has given up smoking weed.

Whereas Jennifer gave up puffing the class C drug a year back, Brad has been waking and baking with a rare gusto.

But now no more. Because, as a source that claims to have smoked with the actor suggests, Brad might have read articles that link a low sperm count to a prolonged use of marijuana.

He also might not have read anything of the kind. But what with that other link between weed and short-term memory loss, no-one is leaping one or the other way with any degree of surety.

But while Brad and his unnamed smoking pal look for a magazine article they might or might not have read, Dr Joseph Takemine, co-founder of the Betty Ford Clinic, consults his own notes.

He concurs with the alleged article, and claims that the use of marijuana can decrease sperm levels and the little chaps’ mobility.

He concludes: “A couple who smoke marijuana can have great difficulty getting pregnant.” But if they can be bothered, it is possible.

But giving up weed might not be enough. So the Enquirer says that Jen is urging Brad to give his sperm a fighting chance by wearing loose-fitting underwear and avoiding hot baths.

She also makes sure Brad drinks plenty of coffee, having read a Brazilian study that says how men who drink coffee have sperm with better strength and endurance.

Or was it someone else who read it and then told her? Or was it just a story she heard some place? Did she make it up? And…er…yeah…what was the middle one again?’

Posted: 30th, January 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink