Anorak News | Jackson Bollocks

Jackson Bollocks

by | 5th, February 2004

‘THE only thing more challenging than trying to ‘sex up’ Government dossiers is getting anyone who weighs less than 300lbs, has a neck narrower than their head and is not called Brad to watch the Superbowl.

Wardobe malfunction, wardobe malfunction

But the bespectacled marketing executives who sit around interestingly shaped tables talking about ‘sexy’ things all day long could not have done better than Janet Jackson.

Few outside the US of A could say who won American football’s biggest prize, but we all know how Janet Jackson’s nipple was exposed in the half-time interval.

Such has been the hoopla and hype around this incident that, according to the Express, Janet’s nipple is now the most searched for item on the Internet, edging out Anorak and the picture of Tony Blair in bed with Cliff Richard.

But why bother looking on the web when both the Express and Sun trot out the shot of the nipple flash today, as they have been doing all week?

We are now so used to looking at Janet’s nipple that the image barely registers on our minds. If she wants to shock us again, she’ll have to do better.

Perhaps next time she or Justin Timberlake, who claims a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ was responsible for the flash, could just swear a lot.

And by way of guide, the Express gives all publicity hungry Janets and Justins a potted history of swearing on the telly, a practice the paper says is ‘vile’.

‘John Lydon’s vile four-letter outburst in the jungle highlights how low TV has sunk – and why it’s time to silence the swearing,’ says the paper whose owner operates cable TV porn channels and retains the services of Robert Kilroy-Silk.

And so bad is this swearing that shocked and stunned Express reporter Laura Kibby replays all those great moments of TV swearing in an addendum to her main piece called: ‘Foul-mouthed celebrities who have left viewers speechless down the decades.’

But we are not apoplectic in rage and disbelief, since we’ve heard it all before.

If Janet Jackson and the PR and marketing types who advise her are considering telling their client to swear they should note: it’s been done to death.

If Janet wants to truly shock she should either appear at the same time and place as her brother Michael or flash us something that will really get tongues wagging – like her penis.’

Posted: 5th, February 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink