Anorak News | Shy But Not Retiring

Shy But Not Retiring

by | 9th, February 2004

‘SEEING Kerry McPadding is like looking at Geri Halliwell in a world where Dr Atkins never existed.

Kerry’s new boobtube protected her innate modesty

Kerry never did get to strap her ample chest down inside a Union Jack-print dress and scream about Girl Power while caressing her bandmates in a show of lipstick-lesbian chic.

Instead, Kerry dressed in some red trousers, a blue top with her phone number printed on the back and headed off not to The Brit music awards but to the Australian outback.

(At least, Geri would have approved of that protein-rich diet of ants and cockroaches.)

And she left behind her husband, Bryan McPudding, his mother, Mairead, and her little daughters, Lily and Molly.

OK! catches up with the foursome that Kerry left behind as it pops round to the McPuddings for a cup of tea and chat about the multifaceted Kerry – wife, mother, daughter-in-law and, most likely or not, someone’s cousin.

Kerry, we hear, has a terrific sense of humour. We know this because Bryan says she has.

We also know that Kerry is not in the jungle to help her career. No, she is not. Bryan tells us she’s not, so she is not.

And we are forced to agree with Bryan because for the life of us we cannot think what career Kerry is trying to help.

As a TV survivalist, she is not a patch on Ray Mears; Jordan’s chest is bigger, so a career in glamour modelling is out; and Jennie Bond’s interviewing skills push Kerry down the list of those who hope to be the next Michael Parkinson.

John Lydon is a former pop star, so perhaps, at a push, Kerry, once of Atomic Kitten (she left just before most of us had heard of the group), could be a professional former pop star.

Maybe Kerry can discuss career options with Alex Best, her fellow I’m A Celebrity… performer.

They could go on to form a double act, although what the act will be is anyone’s guess. Perhaps they could spin plates on sticks – since Record Breakers went off the air, it’s been something we’ve sorely missed seeing?

Or Kerry could tell jokes about her boobs. Mairead says Kerry’s always doing that. She is, however, very shy. We know this because Maried tells us that as well.

We also learn, from Bryan, that Kerry is a very outgoing person. We know this because Bryan tells us so.

Bryan also tells us that his wife is incredibly brave. After all, he, as he says, knows her best.

So if you are wondering what carer Kerry can pursue, ignore everything you’ve learnt about her from watching I’m A Celebrity and reading her judgemental column in OK’s free insert magazine Hot Stars, and know that Kerry is a selfless, shy, outgoing, non-whinging, dedicated, courageous, funny type.

Like Cheryl Baker with less fizz…’

Posted: 9th, February 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink