Tories On The Move

‘LIKE the Church, politicians are always keen to woo the youth vote.

Howard’s End?

If it’s not Tony breeding more yoofs to vote for him, it’s plans to make exams really easy and to decriminalise soft drugs.

It is about embracing change. And no party is doing more to appear to be changing than the Conservatives, who, the Times says, will pledge to spend more on health than the Labour party, should they get into power.

The message is that the NHS is safe in the Tory party’s warm, healing hands.

Of course, you’ll have to find them first. The Tories are on the move, and are making ready to vacate their offices at 32 Smith Square in favour of pastures new.

Iraq has been touted a possible site of their relocation, as have Siberia and a tiny caravan park off the A34.

But even the new-look Tories never listen all the time, and so they are eyeing a suite of new ‘ultra-modern Millbank-style’ offices at 25 Victoria Street, London.

By way of a clincher, the property is situated above a Starbucks coffee house, in which Tory politicos can chat over espressos about the perils of drugs and God’s role in the modern Church of England.

No wonder there is excitement among Tory ranks. One unnamed senior Tory tells the Times: ‘Smith Square is tainted by failure and the view that gossip flourishes there.

‘It is just no longer suitable for today’s purposes: we need somewhere smaller that looks as if it can bring people together instead of being split up on all floors’.

Sounds like the flat above Number 10 Downing Street would be ideal, although the current tenant shows little signs of moving, and it also might be too big to accommodate the party’s MPs.

But since the Tories are moving, what about them setting up shop in the backseat of a highly mobile Mini? Or if they do really well at the next General Election, a Renault Laguna?’

Posted: 11th, February 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink