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Lard Today

by | 17th, February 2004

‘FAT is no longer a feminist issue for daytime TV shows featuring Vanessa Feltz and that Australian DJ. It is a matter of national importance that no-one can escape.

‘Before I met Tony, I was built like a whippet’

Fat can strike at any time, and today we launch Fat Watch, urging you to be on the look out for signs of fat, lest it creep up on you and smother you in its greasy clutches.

No-one is safe from fat, not even Jonny Wilkinson, who is seen walking along a beach in today’s Mail, accompanied by his svelte girlfriend, Diana Stewart.

“Is beached rugby star paying the price of enforced absence?” asks the paper, alluding to Wilkinson’s injury and what it sees as his “vanishing six pack”.

And what goes for Wilkinson goes for another 900,000 of us who are unable to work because of injuries, sporting and otherwise.

Sticking with the Mail, readers learn how around 60% of the 1.5 million Britons receiving incapacity benefit are officially obese.

And the paper is of the opinion that most of those are unable to function properly because of their obesity.

The paper also reminds us that fat is now a political issue, and the number of us needing hospital treatment for obesity has risen by 80% since 1997, when cake-eating Labour came to power.

The Express makes the same link, noting how in 1998, 810 people got a hospital bed because they were fat, whereas the figure had spread to 1,442 people last year.

While the link between Tony Blair and the increased consumption of lard is hard to prove, it remains a distinct possibility that a vote for Tony is a vote for fat.

Which is odd, since you’d suppose looking at Tony at meal times would put you off your dinner. But, as we say, fat moves in mysterious ways…’

Posted: 17th, February 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink