Anorak News | The History Men

The History Men

by | 18th, February 2004

‘TONIGHT Northern Ireland attempt to make history by becoming the most goal-shy team in decades of competitive international football.

Er, Lawrie, the goal’s the other way, mate

The Times notes that if the greens, playing under new manager Lawrie Sanchez, fail to score in the opening 30 minutes of their home match against Norway, they will be world champions at not scoring.

At that moment, they will not have found the back of the opponent’s net for a majestic 1,272 minutes.

While the watching world will surely be hoping that the Northern Irish can reach their glorious milestone, few people outside England will be looking forward to the arrival of they who follow Sven’s men to Portugal this summer.

By way of livener for that busman’s holiday for the dregs of our society, England, in conjunction with the Portuguese police and the makers of pepper spray, are staging a prelude to the big fight.

Secrecy prevents us from saying how the local authorities will deal with any trouble making, but the Mirror does note that Sven Goran Eriksson will play Michael Owen and David Beckham even if they are at death’s door.

Well, he actually said he’d play them if they were not fully fit, but given the paucity of Sven’s options, it’s not hard to imagine the Liverpool striker and the England captain being wheeled onto the pitch should the job demand it.

It’s also not too hard to imagine, as the Mail does, a Scotland team made up of native Germans, Frenchmen and Italians.

The paper says that Fifa has ruled that a player who has represented his country at Under 21 level and below can switch nation at full international level if he fulfils residency criteria.

And the news is that since players can apply for a British passport after passing five years in the UK, the likes of Celtic’s Frenchman Didier Agathe and Blackburn’s Italian-born Lorenzo Amoruso might be capped by Scotland.

Or Kimi Ali Silva, our Peruvian cleaning operative here at Anorak Towers, being picked by Northern Ireland. She’s got all the right credentials, and swears she has never scored a goal in her life…’

Posted: 18th, February 2004 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink