Anorak News | Pull The Udder One

Pull The Udder One

by | 20th, February 2004

‘TWO-THIRDS of people in Britain have trouble sleeping, says the Times.

‘I’m over the moon’

This sounds suspiciously high to us. No doubt many of them would find it easier if they switched off all the TVs and hi-fi equipment that modern Britons require to be on at full volume twenty-four-seven.

Then again, you need a lot of noise to drown out the sound of the police helicopters that circle overhead all night in most British cities.

Still, never mind, help is at hand. The paper reports that a new milk is about to go on sale, which will help people sleep. It’s called Night Time, it’s from Somerset, and it’s produced by milking the cows at night – in other words, the cow-hands lose sleep so you don’t have to.

Of course, most Britons are now lactose-intolerant, so it won’t be any use to them, and those that can drink milk might be put off by the price, which is described as “more than twice the price of a normal pint”.

Which begs the question: what’s wrong with the traditional pint? It’s already available in handy cans and bottles, and, when consumed in adequate quantities it never fails to work its sleepy magic – morning, noon and night.


Posted: 20th, February 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink