A Fine Romance

‘FROM little acorns, they say, big oaks grow, but it’s far too early in the romance between Jordan and Peter Andre to talk of the sprouting of little saplings.

Jordan’s third nipple

Indeed, as the “smitten jungle lovers” open their hearts exclusively to OK!, they are not even sure if they are officially a couple yet.

“We haven’t seen much of each other since we came out,” says Jordan, “but I’m sure we will be.”

“It’s obvious we’re fond of each other,” chimes Peter, “but we want to get to know each other first.”

This is of course the wrong way round – real celebrities get married first and then get to know each other, before finding out they can’t stand each other and getting divorced.

But OK! is convinced that this is the real thing, claiming that “if this budding romance is just an act, the performances are worthy of an Academy Award”.

As we know, this year’s Oscars have just been doled out and neither Peter nor Jordan were among the recipients – a sure sign that this is no act.

In fact, according to OK!, there’s so much sexual chemistry between the two of them “that it’s possible they’re about to spontaneously combust”.

Of course, not only would such an eventuality preclude the possibility of young oaks but with the amount of silicone in Jordan’s chest it could result in the worst environmental catastrophe since Chernobyl.

But if it wasn’t the size of Jordan’s, er, Jordans that attracted Peter, what was it?.

“She’s awesome,” he says, “she’s sweet, she’s funny, she’s a very pretty girl and she’s got a big heart.”

And if you’ve got a big heart, you need a big chest to keep it in.’

Posted: 1st, March 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink