Dog Days (And Nights)

‘REMEMBER the days when the worst thing likely to happen in a car park was kids violating a parking meter to rob a few pence for a bag of Fruit Salad chews?

Stan’s career has been dogged by controversy

Well, wake up! There’s a whole new generation of perverts out there, getting their kicks in every corner of England’s tarmacked and pleasant land.

The Sun names and shames one such sicko on today’s front page. He’s Stan from Cannock in Staffordshire, he’s married, and of an evening he likes to do a bit of ‘dogging’ – sex with strangers, including group action and a little light voyeurism.

Oh, and he’s also a former England footballer called Collymore.

Stan’s hobby is a bit like ‘roasting’, only you do it in provincial car parks rather than luxury London hotels. It’s cheap and cheerful – at least until the tabloids get wind of it.

The Sun’s undercover ladies strung Stan along on a tour of local dogging haunts and received a series of propositions via text message on their mobile phones.

But when he was informed who the lovely ladies were, the Radio Five Live pundit committed the ultimate broadcaster’s crime – dead air.

‘Collymore fell silent, then switched off his phone,’ reports the paper.

‘What I have done is digusting and I’m so ashamed,’ said Collymore last night. ‘But I’m only human – I can only beg for forgiveness.’

No need to beg, Stan – help is at hand. Agony aunt Deirdre explains that it’s all about ‘low-self-esteem’ a degrading double-hyphened sickness that is reaching epidemic proportions.

And like most sick trends, there is no shortage of people ready to capitalise upon it. And Deirdre helpfully provides a phone number through which ‘meetings are organised across the UK’.’

Posted: 2nd, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink