Anorak News | Anything But Average

Anything But Average

by | 8th, March 2004

‘YOU can tell a lot about someone’s standing by the calibre of the enemies they attract.

Jordan’s knee pads had often saved the day

Would, for instance, Winston Churchill have become the embodiment of the British spirit had it not been for Adolf Hitler doing his bit for world unity?

Would Tony Blair be what he is today without the work of Saddam Hussain?

As such, would Jordan be the woman she is had it not been for a lorryload of silicone and her feud with Victoria Beckham, nee Adams, latterly Posh and today plain Mrs Average.

In “Let battle commence”, Jordan, nee Katie Price, latterly “a dog” (source: Posh), says: “I think Victoria looks immaculate, but I don’t think she’s pretty. She’s average.”

There is the killer word: average. No-one on the celebrity circuit (aside from Kerry McPudden, who is ‘refreshingly average’) wants to be Ms Normal.

They crave individuality. When Jordan’s breasts are average, she inflates them until they are well beyond the mean.

When La Posh has average hair, she buys some Russian locks and has them attached to her scalp. When her voice is average, sound engineers are hired to make her sound musically gifted.

Average is just about as cutting a comment as it gets. It would have been kinder if Jordan had called her nemesis a munter or a tone-deaf parasite. Anything but average.’

Posted: 8th, March 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink