Anorak News | Blank Verse

Blank Verse

by | 15th, March 2004

‘SO good is Jordan at reciting the alphabet that she can do it twice on the bounce.

‘Can I have a PP please, Bob?’

She’s the Carol Vorderman of letters is Jordan, able to go to an FF, a GG or a PP as quick as our Carol can get to six thirteens.

It would never be long before the ubiquitous mod-el joined up a few letters to form words and, hey, even a sentence or two.

But we are still waiting for that happy day, because the Mirror, which attended the launch of Jordan’s inflate-and-tell autobiography, notices that her book contains absolutely nothing.

Having been handed a copy of her tome, it proved too weighty even for a woman used to carrying around two bowling balls on her chest and was dropped to the floor.

The pages unfurled to reveal that there was nothing in between the covers. The wrapping, glitzy and suggesting much, masked a product lacking in substance.

It is indeed a clever marketing ploy, fiendish even, to produce a book that is every inch in tune with its subject matter.

But words can be useful and, for those Sun readers who want to give them a go, Andrew Motion has written a poem we can all learn to recite off by heart.

It’s in honour of England’s rugby hero Jonny Wilkinson, and it goes like this. Take it away, Motion:

”O Jonny the power of your boot

And the accurate heart-stopping route

Of your goal as it ghosts

Through Australian posts

Is a triumph we gladly salute.”

It is clearly a work of no small genius, and the reigning Poet Laureate is sure to hang onto his crown for a while yet.

But the competition among poets is fierce, and these days you cannot turn a corner for fear of bumping into one of this wordy breed.

So in the spirit of competition, here’s another one, and this one’s for you Jordan:

“O Jordan you are no divine

Like a glass of sweet German wine

You’re our number one

Like a blue Page 3 nun

A woman way ahead of her time.”’

Posted: 15th, March 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink