Anorak News | Pap Royalty

Pap Royalty

by | 15th, March 2004

‘THE King is dead! Long live the King!

Pound-for-pound bigger than the Beckhams

There was a time when David Beckham ruled the roost at OK! – the undisputed king of celebrity, his wife Victoria his empty-headed queen sitting beside him on their ‘his ‘n’ her’ thrones.

But times change, dynasties rise and fall, footballers move to Madrid and it is time to bestow the crown on some other vacuous young couple.

And who better than Westlife crooner Bryan McPadding and his large-chested wife Kerry!

Kerry is already a queen in OK!’s eyes, courtesy of her ability to spend 10 days in a prefabricated jungle with a bunch of other no-marks.

And Bryan’s erstwhile membership of the blandest pop group in musical history (as well, of course, as his marriage to Our Kerry) earns him royal status as well.

“It’s Queen Kerry and King Bryan,” the magazine gushes as Westlife pick up a prize at the Ireland Music Awards 2004, being voted Best Pop Act for the fourth time running.

And to celebrate their coronation as the new sovereigns of pap culture, the McPuddings grant a ‘world exclusive’ audience to OK!

In it, we learn not only about the couple’s love for each other and their love for their children, but also about their love for OK!

“I love OK! for the pictures and gossip,” says Kerry (about her employers), “and I have yet to see a bad photo of myself in the magazine!”

That’s very much a matter of opinion – but OK! is certainly happy to repay the flattery with some brown-nosing of its own.

“It’s hard to believe the couple are both only 23,” it says, “as they’ve already achieved more than most people could only dream of in a lifetime.”

What these achievements are OK! declines to say, but winning a reality TV show for being the most homesick contestant is not exactly top of most people’s CV.

Nor, it seems, does a career as a comedian await – Kerry’s joke about farting as she presented an award at the Brits fell as flat as her chest is not.

“If I think of things to be funny, they’re not funny” she admits, “whereas I’m normally a really spontaneous person.”

In other words, she can be unfunny off the cuff as well as off a script. A career as a TV presenter awaits…’

Posted: 15th, March 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink