Anorak News | Dirty Dennis

Dirty Dennis

by | 2nd, April 2004

‘DEN came back to Walford this week, complete with a new coat of wood-stain varnish, after three months in Spain. And in typical soap style, he reappeared from the back of a black cab clutching a tiny empty holdall. Well, wigs don’t take up much room, do they?

Piggy in the middle

Pauline happened to be lurking down a back alley (times must be hard in the Fowler household) as Den arrived and she took great pleasure in filling him in on what his children had been up to in his absence.

“Your club’s burnt down, Vicky’s living with me and your daughter’s shacked up with your son. Welcome home Den,” she smirked. Den confronted his son in The Vic (where else?). “You’re disgustin’’” he spat. “How long is it going to be before you move on to Vicky?”

Dennis decided to sort out his issues with his father the EastEnders way by smacking him in the face. Unfortunately for him, however, Sharon’s big fat pig face was in the way and she took a right hook on the snout.

“You’re history,” hissed Den to his mini-me son, as he ushered both his daughters out of the pub. But Dennis isn’t one to take things lying down (unless there’s a woman involved) and he’s set to join forces with Andy, thus forming the most ineffectual pretty-boy EastEnd gang in history. Well, since E17 split up.

The most menacing thing Andy has done is to get a bit cross with Alfie for being twenty quid short with his repayments. “I want double by tomorrow,” he told Alfie, “or else.” Or else what? He’ll give him a Chinese burn?

The campaign to rid the Square of the Ferreiras is growing apace. Now even the banks are in on it. The dullest family in the world received a letter from their bank stating that they were £12,000 in mortgage arrears.

“I’m really sorry to do this to you,” lied the bank manager, but if you can’t pay in six weeks then we’ll have to evict you. Is there such a thing as a reverse telethon?’

Posted: 2nd, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink