Anorak News | Tracksuits You

Tracksuits You

by | 6th, April 2004

‘MEANWHILE, back at Supernova Heights, Davinia Taylor takes a break from tucking into the last of what the Gallaghers left in the fridge to tell us about her plans for motherhood.

‘And this is the latest husband that I love to death’

“David and I,” says Davinia, with the merest hint of a regal Beckham tinge, “will start trying for a family in the summer, but I want to get thinner first.”

Poor, poor, Davinia, has she learnt nothing from being a Plus Oner?

The idea is to balloon to Feltzene proportions, threaten to explode during pregnancy and then embark on a diet regime that sees you shed stones and make a made-for-bargain-bucket video called ‘Taylor Remade’.

But with Jade Goody out of town, Davinia can at least bone up on the joys of big-boned motherhood with OK!’s “THE YOUNG SUPERMUMS” special.

In case any of you drudges were in any doubt, OK! picks up on the zeitgeist and tells us: “Now it’s all about having it all – the fabulous career, the gorgeous husband and the adorable children, while still finding enough free time to slouch around the house in a designer tracksuit.”

You see where you’ve been going wrong? Kate Winslet did. She threw out her less-than-gorgeous husband and got a new, fashionable one.

Angelina Jolie did. She lacked the adorable nippers so she went to Cambodia and acquired a photogenic one, and then styled his hair into a mullet.

And Halle Berry did. She waved goodbye to the silver shell suit that was sooo last year and got herself a pink tracksuit.

The message is that you can have it all. And if your partner doesn’t deliver it to you, adopt a couple of children (“Supermum” Nicole Kidman did), swap your boyfriend for a career-enabling director (Kate Becksinsale did) and get with the programme.

Failure to do all of the above will result in a life of abject failure and crushing regret. You will not have it all.

Although if you are Davinia Taylor, other people’s leftovers might keep you going for a while…’

Posted: 6th, April 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink