Anorak News | Anyone For Dennis?

Anyone For Dennis?

by | 8th, April 2004

‘BAD news for EastEnders’ fans this week as it’s announced that at least some of the Ferreira family are staying.

In a desperate last-ditch attempt to raise any interest in them, producers are to do one of their classic ‘Changing Rooms’ style makeovers on a character and turn Kareena into the Square’s latest sex symbol.

And just like ‘Changing Rooms’, it’ll be cheap, tasteless and bound to end in tears. If Kareena and the whole Ferreira family suddenly became naturists it’s unlikely anyone would even notice.

The residents of Walford have failed to show any interest in the fact that the entire family are about to become homeless and that their father has been missing for months – so how are viewers supposed to?

Even the fact that Tariq dated his sister failed to raise an eyebrow – compared to the effigy-burning goings-on with Dennis and Sharon who aren’t even technically related.

It would be easy to suggest that the Albert Square residents don’t care what they do because they’re Asian, but it’s actually because they’re so incredibly dull.

Only marginally more interesting, however, is the Dennis-Sharon-Den triangle that the writers keep plugging away at. As a viewer, it’s difficult to get worked up about Sharontella Versace and her idiot step-brother sleeping together – especially as the original storyline was introduced about six months ago when Dirty Den first returned.

Den is trying to play the heavy father and has banned Dennis from contacting Sharon. “You disgust me,” hissed Den. “Get back to wotever sewer you came from.” Conveniently Den has forgotten of course that the ‘sewer’ in question is actually his very own loins.

Dennis, being the mature, well-rounded adult that he is, has decided to get his own back by joining Andy’s (playground) gang.

“Welcome to the family,” Andy purred. “You’re gonna fit right in.” As Andy only seems to employ great useless hulks of wood, he’s probably right.

Dennis’ first job is debt collection: Alfie’s fallen behind on his repayments on the loan he took out for Charlie.

We’re not sure what tactics Dennis is going to employ, but knowing him, he’ll probably threaten to sleep with him unless he pays up.’

Posted: 8th, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink