Anorak News | By George!

By George!

by | 23rd, April 2004

‘WE’VE got nothing against St George. Admittedly, we did have money on the dragon and we still think the fight was fixed, but we’ve got over it.

‘Tell me the cure for cancer or taste my lance!’

However, why is it that on this day every year he comes back to torture us? Why is it that today we celebrate the life of a second-rate puglilist?

What did St George ever do for us? He slayed a dragon. Big deal! Like we said, the dragon was probably paid to take a dive in the fourth but, even if he wasn’t, it’s not like England ever had an infestation of dragons.

If St George was such a top bloke, why didn’t he do something useful like cure cancer or find England a left-sided midfielder instead of concentrating his energy on a medieval version of polo?

The Sun skirts round such thorny issues and instead urges us to be proud to be English today, listing our courage, our culture and our cricketers as three things to celebrate.

“We are a nation of many faces,” it adds, “and many faith, but being English binds us together. By George, what a great lot we are!”

No, we’re not.

This is a country where people read the Daily Mail and – worse – the Daily Express.

Okay, we admit that not many people actually read the Express, but that’s only because they can get a much classier brand of prejudice and xenophobia in the Mail.

Of the few who do, we can report that 93% backed the paper’s decision yesterday to swing its support behind the Tories at the next General Election – the political equivalent of giving Jordan a trainer bra.

“Our phone lines were red-hot,” it boasts, “as thousands of people rang in with a tidal wave of support.”

How many thousands? Well, there the paper suddenly comes over all shy.

But luckily Anorak’s resident maths expert has been hunched over his calculator all morning and concludes that the minimum number of votes needed to give a percentage of 93 is…14.

Admit it, guys. You got only 14 phone calls…’

Posted: 23rd, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink