Anorak News | Death Becomes Them

Death Becomes Them

by | 26th, April 2004

‘FOR the first time ever, EastEnders failed even to get nominated in the Best Soap category in this year’s Baftas.

‘Ruddy copper!’

Hopefully this will be the wake-up call producers need and they will realise that there’s only so long loyal viewers will continue tuning in to watch paint dry – or rather watch varnish dry on the wooden acting of most of the current cast.

“I can’t go on!” sobbed Martin Fowler to Derek. Tell us about it! This week Mark Fowler was buried in a traditional EastEnders funeral – which meant plenty of milling extras in black lining the market and Doctor Legg making his annual appearance.

Michelle wisely decided to stay away, so it was left to Pauline, Vicky and Martin to emote for England. “He’s gone to a better place,” said Derek, trying to comfort Pauline. Indeed he has -he’s gone to ‘The Bill’.

Elsewhere in The Square, Alfie’s debts continue to spiral out of control (a case of art imitating life?). Andy sent Dennis to beat him up as a ‘warning’ for getting behind with his repayments.

Pulling on a very disturbing pair of black leather gloves, Dennis went to the Vic and shoved Alfie up against a wall. Instead of going in for the kill, Dennis broke down into tears, in despair at what he’d become (someone who voluntarily wears gimp’s gloves).

Alfie begged Dennis to beat him up “a bit” on the grounds that whoever Andy sent next wouldn’t be so understanding/useless.

Kat discovered where Alfie had got the money from to pay Charlie’s fine and went to confront Andy. “You make me sick!” she spat at him when the gangster offered to wipe out Alfie’s debt if she slept with him.

“Who do you think I am?” she shouted. Well, certainly not Rebecca Loos – her rates are slightly higher.’

Posted: 26th, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink