Desperation, Desperation, Desperation

‘IN this week’s edition of Location, Location, Location, Phil and Kirsty try to find a disused basement for Osman, his wife and their 17 children.

‘To vote for Khalid, phone…’

Osman is keen to be near his work at a large London hotel, so able to pop in and out at a moment’s notice without being seen. Something directly linked to the hotel’s air conditioning system would be ideal.

But first the Sun has caught up with a Romanian asylum seeker, who wants to move into a new house in Elstree, on the outskirts of London.

The man, who is known to the authorities, plans to move in just as soon as workmen have finished constructing the king-size shower room, an outdoor Jacuzzi and a mudbath.

But if he is lucky enough to relocate into this dream home, rest assured that Big Brother will be watching his every move, and broadcasting his antics on Channel 4.

But the Sun has no clue to the identity of the man with what a Channel 4 source calls an ‘unusual sense of humour’ and invites anyone who does know him to call a number.

Meanwhile, the Star speaks to another Channel 4 insider. He says: ‘There is no reason why he couldn’t appear on the show… He is here legally and is having a genuine application considered.’

That sounds fine and dandy. And it gets us thinking. Why not replace the holding centres with huge Big Brother-style houses?

We would get to watch the applicants/refugees change, eat, sleep and, hey, who knows, maybe have sex.

We’d then vote for which of them we wanted to remain or be thrown back into the Channel.

Wonder what the Romanian is for ‘I’m mad, me’?’

Posted: 29th, April 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink