Anorak News | Laura Doesn’t Bounce

Laura Doesn’t Bounce

by | 10th, May 2004

‘JANINE finally got her just deserts this week (as opposed to the usual desserts she’s clearly been scoffing on an hourly basis).

‘Who says I can’t have me cake and eat it?’

“Wot goes around comes around,” taunted Pat as Janine grew increasingly more desperate to prove that she didn’t kill Laura.

Laura died in a bizarre toy-engine-related fall, but Pat’s determined that Janine should take the blame. Pat discovered Laura lying at the bottom of the stairs, goggle-eyed and drooling – so understandably it took her some time to realise that Laura was actually dead.

When she did, she scooped up baby Bobby and delivered him to ‘father’ Gary, then called the police. Walford’s finest inspected the scene and discovered a credit card receipt that Janine had conveniently dropped hours earlier during their fight.

That, coupled with the knowledge that Janine had slept with Ian and her history of being on the scene when people fall over and die, was enough for the police to arrest her.

“I didn’t do nuffink!” screamed Janine, for once telling the truth (if ungrammatically).

Janine’s only hope is for Pat to tell the police that she knows that Laura was still alive when Janine left her – a hope about as foolish as Claudio Ranieri renewing his Kensington and Chelsea parking permit.

The police have bailed Janine (as you do when you suspect someone of committing two murders) and she’s determined that she’s not going down – well she’s certainly done more than her fair share of that in her time.

On hearing the news that Janine had been arrested, Natalie has returned to Walford, determined that justice is finally done for her dead ex-husband.

She and Pat have joined up like a pair of avenging harpies (with enormous earrings), flapping round the Square and ensuring that no one weakens and agrees to help Janine with her plans to flee Walford.

Unfortunately for viewers, no-one does, and we’re set to lose one of the few good characters EastEnders has left. What’s a soap without a murdering, drug-taking, prostitute or two?

New character Chrissie (who seems to be a dish mop in a leather jacket) had decided to stay in Albert Square after Den promised her that he’d “changed.”

Chrissie was shocked to discover that Den had three children but resolved to try and get to know them. Just wait ‘til she finds out that two of them used be lovers.

However, that’s nothing to how she’s going to react when she finds out that her husband likes to spend his free time making special friends on the Internet.’

Posted: 10th, May 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink