Aussie, Aussie, Aussie

‘TODAY the call goes up for all Australians to pick up their backpacks and head home.

Australian Fashion Week

The land that spawned a million barmen and a million more soap stars-turned-pop acts is running out of people.

The Australian Government’s Treasurer, Peter Costello, can be heard in the Mail making an offer for Australians to take more of an active interest in the future of their country.

Revealing his budget to the nation, Costello will give parents of every Australian born $3,000 of the local currency (around £1,000).

‘If you can have children, it’s a good thing to do,’ says he. ‘You should have…one for your husband, one for your wife and one for your country.’

He was later asked if his was a call to go forth and procreate. ‘Some will manage only two for the country,’ came the reply, ‘but two only replaces yourselves.’

(Not for nothing is this man the keeper of the Australian books.)

‘Some of you will have to have more than one for your country – you’ll have to make up for some of your friends that aren’t even replicating themselves.’

That might be because some Australians know they are just not worth the effort of reproduction.

So what the country needs is for their children to return home, and for the better-looking ones and brighter ones to make babies.

Jono Coleman, your country needs you…’

Posted: 12th, May 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink