A Right Titter

‘TONY Blair and the UK Peace Corps are striving to ensure that the map of the world will once more bear the pink of the British Empire, albeit spattered with occasional bits of blood and chunky, carrot-coloured puke.

‘Titter ye not!’

But one bit of the planet will be forever Britain, and yesterday Michael Howard visited the place we call Gibraltar.

In response to the Gibraltarians being able to vote in the European elections as part of the South-West of England constituency, the Tory leader flew to The Rock in search of votes.

He vowed to allow the people of Gibraltar to decide their future for themselves and not to enter into any secret negotiations about their future with the Spanish, ‘unlike the present Government’.

And Howard’s words seemed to do the trick, as the Independent watched him moving from shop to shop ‘pulling votes like ripe apples in an orchard’.

Buoyed by the overwhelming support, Howard stopped by busker Paul, who was busy playing ‘Rule Britannia’ on his harmonica.

‘He gave me a few coins,’ says Paul to the Indy. ‘Who is he? Frankie Howerd?’

Titter ye may, but this Howard is going places, leaving no vote untapped as the Tories go for broke.

‘Today Gibraltar,’ as they say in Tory HQ, ‘tomorrow, Yorkshire & The Humber’ – or Iraq West, as it will soon be known…’

Posted: 18th, May 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink