More Poms, Please

‘AUSTRALIA may be a nation of whingers (See Broadsheets), but they are at least the best whingers in the world and they are determined to stay that way.

The gold medal-winning Aussie Olympic Whinging Squad

Unfortunately, a declining birth rate and the pubs of London have decimated the population and the Express reports that the Aussies are looking abroad for fresh whingeing talent.

And where better than the Old Country and who better than the Poms, we who exported the noble art of whinging to Australia before – as is the way with these things – the pupil overtook the master?

The paper says Scott Oster has been sent over from Down Under not to serve pints to the thirsty locals but to scour the country looking for people to tempt away.

And to help Scott on his way, the Express volunteers 25-year-old financial analyst Scott Mitchell.

His name sounds Aussie (although he’ll quickly have to learn to answer to Scotto or Mitch), he’s keen to make the move and – most important – he can outbleat an Aussie sheep.

“Compared with slaving away in London,” he moans, “working in Australia would be a dream come true.

“Back home in Kent I had to get up in the dark at 6am to catch a bus 30 miles through traffic jams and roadworks for an hour and a half to get into the city of London.

“Plus, you never seem to be able to save any money.”

Blah, blah, blah…all the way to Brisbane.’

Posted: 20th, May 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink