Anorak News | Keeping It Real

Keeping It Real

by | 25th, May 2004

”THE raiyne in Spaiyne fawls maiynly on ther plaiyne.’

Anorak’s Dream Moments No.23: Victoria Beckham takes a vow of silence

Egads! She’ll have to try harder if she wants to fit in on the Iberian peninsular – even the locals at Lineker’s Bar & Grill will have trouble understanding Posh.

But hearing her caterwaul for help is Rebecca Loos, the famous personal assistant who tells the Star that she’s now happy to help Posh settle in Spain, as she once extended a welcoming hand to husband David.

And Loos insists that the way to reign in Spain is to speak the language. And that’s not just any language, Posh, but Spanish.

‘Madrid residents think you are snobby if you can’t speak Spanish,’ says Loos. ‘Victoria must try to pick up our phrases, our habits and our manners.’

The master-class (or mistress-class, if you will) cannot start soon enough, but Loos might have to wait a while.

The Sun is of a mind that, before settling in Spain, Posh must first return to America, a place that’s just ripe for her invasion.

Simon Fuller, the head of 19 management company and the man behind Pop Idol, thinks Posh can break the US.

‘Simon feels it is becoming more and more difficult to make the British music-buying public like Victoria. The reaction here is to hate her music,’ says a spokesman for 19.

‘But she won’t take that sort of baggage into the US market.’

So it will be a fresh start for Posh Spice Victoria Beckham, the name that will appear on her next single, Love Is For Real, to be released in July.

That will presumably be the same next single as Mine For Real (or even Mime For Real), which the Mirror says the warbler will release on the Internet, making the track only available online.

As is the way with things, we’ve accidentally hacked into it and can now bring you a taste of things to come.

Take it away, yer Poshness: ‘Art and music will thrive without you. Somehow Keats will survive without you. And there still will be rain on that plain down in Spain…”

Posted: 25th, May 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink