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The Fat Of The Land

by | 27th, May 2004

‘“IF Johnny has five lard bars, two family sized packets of lard flavoured crisps and seven cans of carbonated lard with the tangy zest of guava, how many years does he have to live?”

‘What pies, miss?’

That’s a sample question taken from next year’s GCSE in fat sciences. And the answer from a multiple-choice list of alternatives is “c – depressingly few”. What’s more, little Johnny will die before his parents.

A report into the obesity epidemic by the Commons Health Select Committee, and seen by the Guardian, says that should current trends in weight gain continue, fat will soon kill more of us than tobacco.

“Should the gloomier scenarios relating to obesity turn out to be true, the sight of amputees will become more familiar in the streets of Britain,” warns the report.

It goes onto say that there will also be more blind people and a huge demand for kidney dialysis.

“Indeed, this will be the first generation where children die before their parents as a consequence of obesity.”

The Times has some more “HEAVY FACTS”, chiefly that 20% of adults are obese; 92% of young people eat too much fat; 25% of children in England and Wales are overweight; and only 32% of people get enough exercise, the figure falling to 28% in the North-East.

One way the report says we can combat this fattening up is, as the Times says, with the introduction of an annual “fat test”.

All schoolchildren will have their body mass index (BMI) calculated and the ratings sent to their parents.

A handy grid, in which height is plotted against weight, enables each reader to see what their BMI is.

But however valid, surely the last thing children need is yet another new exam, especially since the old ones are so tried and tested.

If the little loves can slide up and down the chimney with ease, then they are thin enough – and if they can’t, after a few weeks wedged up the flume, they soon will be…’



Posted: 27th, May 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink