Anorak News | Sling Yer Hook

Sling Yer Hook

by | 28th, May 2004

‘JUST how do you become a “freelance consultant to terrorism groups worldwide”?

‘If you’re name’s not down, you’re not coming in’

That’s what the United States claims Abu Hamza, the hook-handed, one-eyed, purple people eater is.

As such, the Times reports that yesterday the 47-year-old Egyptian-born militant was arrested at his London home after Americans formerly sought his extradition on 11 terrorism charges.

Well, it appears that to become an alleged freelancer specialising in matters of terror, you need to have a list of aliases.

So, as well as seeking the removal of Abu Hamza, aka Dr Hook, aka The Hook, the US, as the Times reports, also brought charges against, “Mustafa Kamel Mustafa, aka Abu Hamza, aka Abu Hamza al-Masri, aka Mustafa Kamel, aka Mostafa Kamel, aka Kamel Mostafa”.

Chances remain high that US Assistant Attorney General, Christopher A Wray is still reading out the list of names Hamza also goes under.

Indeed, the latest report suggests Wray has just reached “aka Leslie Grantham”, that other infamous “aka Captain Hook”.

Secondly, in order to move in the shadowy world of terrorism, allegedly, you need a pair of dark glasses – or you Mustafa pair, as is the fashion. And Hamza can be seen sporting some suitably moody shades on the cover of the Guardian.

It’s a strong look, and one that enables him to change from being the suspected brains behind such terrorists activities as hostage taking and conspiring to provide goods and services to the dreaded Taliban into the guise of a “rebel cleric”.

And let’s face it, it’s far easier to fear and despise an extremist with a hook in place of a hand, one eye and a neat line in fire and brimstone than it is to dislike a rebel.

At least it is until you learn, as the Telegraph does, that the third element in being an alleged freelance terror fixer is to have a tendency towards arrogance, smugness and, perhaps even violence.

We read that when Hamza first came to Britain he worked in a Soho nightclub – on the door.

This puts something of the tin lid on the entire deal.

We now realise that if martyrs are going to get into paradise, they’ll have to pass though the hallowed gates in groups of no more than five at a time and not dressed in trainers.

Proven virgins, however, are free before 10pm.’

Posted: 28th, May 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink