Anorak News | Monkey Business

Monkey Business

by | 1st, June 2004

‘IT’S somewhat unjust that Kerry MaPadding, a woman built by the small screen, should step up and say, “I’m not a great television watcher”.

‘Take a look around at what technology has found…’

There should be a rule that anyone who appears on the telly should be made to watch the bilge they pump out in a small wooden box, insulated from the rest of mankind and fed by a drip of the type used to water captive gerbils, but now containing pure caffeine and Cadbury’s flakes instead of water.

But this year Kerry will be watching lots of TV because Big Brother is on, and because just like everyone else she is dead keen on seeing a TV romance develop on the small screen.

Although, she could not do the TV lovers thing herself, since she’s been in the jungle, dontyerknow, and if she was stuck in a house for two weeks, she’d would miss the kids, her Bryan, but not the TV, which she doesn’t watch all that much, and so on…

But while Kerry prattles on, OK! finds yet another celeb who can watch TV, and her name is Jade Goody.

And this is nothing short of amazing. We now realise that the monkeys who type away for decades to produce the Complete Works of William Shakespeare, also produce some lesser works as they go, to wit Kerry’s OK! dairy and now Jade Goody’s Big Brother column.

And what have the monkeys been saying? Only that last year’s Big Brother was boring and that Jade will speak her mind.

Of course, she won’t because to do so would be to transport her readers to a world somewhere off in East Angular with only kebabs to eat and minging feet to stand on.

So Jade will be mostly speaking in the words of Bobo, who comes to OK! fresh from a work placement here at Anorak Towers.

Take it away, Bobo. “It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, and me lettuce was dripping like a leaky tap when all of a sudden me ‘babs popped out…”’

Posted: 1st, June 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink