Anorak News | Food, Glorious Food

Food, Glorious Food

by | 8th, June 2004

‘REMEMBER a week or so ago when the Sun’s Shaun Curtis, the paper’s chief football hack, wondered if following England’s 1-1 with Japan anyone believed the lads capable of winning in Portugal?

Beckham shows off his new ‘man breasts’

We do. But that was then, and after England’s 6-1 demolition of the admittedly less-than-great Icelanders, “our boys” are on the paper’s front page.

And the paper wants us to remember something else. Hands up now, those among you who can recall the name Bjørge Lillelien?

We’ll help you out and tell you that Lillelien was the Norwegian football commentator who sounded off so magnificently after his countrymen defeated England 2-1 in a World Cup qualifier back in 1981.

For the record, his rant went: “Lord Nelson! Lord Beaverbrook! Sir Winston Churchill! Sir Anthony Eden! Clement Attlee! Henry Cooper! Lady Diana! Maggie Thatcher – can you hear me, Maggie Thatcher! Your boys took one hell of a beating! Your boys took one hell of a beating!’

He was right. But how right is the Sun to evoke the spirit of that speech in its headline of today?

Alongside a shot of the England party, suited and booted, standing on the steps of their plane to glory, is the headline.

“Thierry Henry! Napoleon Bonaparte! Joan of Arc! Inspector Clouseau! Patrick Vieira! Charles De Gaulle! The Renault Five! Jacques Chirac – Can You Hear Us, Jacques Chirac? Our boys are gonna give you one hell of a beating!”

To many Sun readers, this is good news. The French appear to have a team of just eight players, and since four of them are dead and one is a car, albeit a nippy one, England can expect to get a decent result.

And England will win on a diet of something more wholesome than frogs’ legs, snails and puppy dogs’ tails.

The Express has taken time to reveals to the world what the English lions will be dining on in the Portuguese sunshine.

Fresh fish caught that day in the Atlantic, olive oils and fresh fruits are mainstays of the celebrated Mediterranean diet.

So England’s players will be eating “huge helpings of rice pudding and custard”.

In all, the lads have taken 26 kilos of tinned pudding and 1,000 servings of custard with them for the 23-day tournament.

They have also taken along six jumbo packers of Jaffa cakes (for the fruit), 20 bottles of maple syrup, 4,000 assorted chocolate bars, 400 packs of assorted biscuits, 180 600ml bottles of blackcurrant squash, and 12 boxes of chocolate biscuits.

It is, is it not, the diet of champions. So what that they’ll be fat and have complexions like plucked chickens. If England win, who cares what the players look like?

If the England cricket team can win on a diet of champagne (the Mail has a shot of them spraying the energy-drink all over each other following the team’s series win over New Zealand), then England’s footballers can win with chocolate.

Come on you Smokey Beckhams, you Cheese and Owens! Do it for England.’

Posted: 8th, June 2004 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink