Anorak News | Better Than Sex?

Better Than Sex?

by | 10th, June 2004

‘IS scoring a goal better than sex? It’s the question footballers are routinely asked by men’s magazines and other soft porn publications.

Alas! We will not see the arrival of baby Lisboa in nine months’ time

The answers vary between “no”, “no”, and “it depends whom I’ve scored with”.

But the Mirror now tells us that sex and football will not be mixing in the run-up to England’s match with France this Sunday.

Both sets of players have been instructed not to have sex before the big game. Indeed, the French have been banned from l’amour for the duration of the tournament.

Meanwhile, wives and girlfriends have been banned from the Italian team’s hotel, although there is a one-hour long window of opportunity to hook up every night after dinner.

Portugal have followed the French example and banned their players from sex for the duration of the tournament, and the Bulgarians will deal with requests for nooky on an “individual basis”.

While we imagine the Bulgarian FA casting its eye over players’ wives and girlfriends and delivering the thumbs up or down to each, the Sun looks at the England-France match proper.

And it hears from Arsenal’s Ashley Cole who’s telling his team-mates that the worst thing they could do is to antagonise Thierry Henry.

“I’ve told all the England players the very worst thing you can do is upset Thierry,” says Cole.

“I’ve seen some people suggesting you can put him off his game if you get involved in the verbal stuff with him. But I think you’ll find the exact opposite is true.”

But you can wind up Robert Pires, Cole’s other French colleague at Highbury.

“Before we came to Portugal,” says Cole, “I said to Robert ‘If I get the chance, I’m just going to kick you!’ – and to be honest that will be my aim.”

It’s a noble ambition that should see Pires hobble off – swiftly followed by a red-carded Cole.

But if Cole intends to shame England with his tactics, the Mail says that it’s nothing compared with the state of US athletics.

The Mail brings news that Tim Montgomery, the 100m world-record holder, has been notified that charges are to be brought against him for his links to the controversial Bay Area Laboratory Cooperative (BALCO).

Marion Jones, who won a record five medals at the Sydney Olympics, has been questioned by America’s anti-doping police and is to be asked further questions about her relationship with BALCO.

And Kelli White, who won gold at last year’s World Championships, has been suspended from the sport for two years after failing a test for a banned stimulant. She also has links to BALCO.

Much is only alleged, but mud sticks and the sport of athletics is very much in the mire.’

Posted: 10th, June 2004 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink