Anorak News | Imperfect Match

Imperfect Match

by | 14th, June 2004

‘SONIA and Martin tied the knot this week, with only granddad Jim, a taxi driver and the 15 remaining EastEnders viewers as witnesses.

‘There were three of us in this marriage, so it was a bit crowded’

The pair had eloped to glamorous Southend to escape from Pauline and Dot; a perfectly understandable decision. Pauline and Dot were determined to out-do each other in the wedding preparation stakes.

Dot had ordered ham sandwiches for the reception. “That’s a bit common,” sniffed Pauline. “I was thinking more along the lines of pate and roulades.” And that from a woman who lives in a cardigan and a tabard.

The pair then had a stand-up row in the church at the dress rehearsal when Pauline revealed she was going to read a poem at the wedding.

“I don’t ‘old with this sacrilegious stuff in the ‘ouse of the Lord,” Dot wailed. “Well, it’s my wedding too!” retorted Pauline, which obviously came as something of a shock to Sonia and Martin.

The unhappy couple decided to escape the madness by running off to “Sarfend” and getting married in a registry office.

Jim managed to find them just as they were exchanging their vows (promising to cherish each other in “misery and misery” no doubt), and persuaded the couple to come back to Walford for their reception.

It’s lucky they did because of course no wedding is officially a wedding without a reception in The Vic.

Back in Walford, another recently married couple were also having their problems – Alfie is refusing to sleep with Kat after she slept with Andy.

Kat has taken to wearing a series of revealing/horrific outfits in an attempt to woo him back into her arms.

Unfortunately, unless Alfie is turned on by the sight of a butcher’s shop window, she’d be much better off applying the ‘less is more’ approach in her choice of nightwear. Or blinding him.

Kat’s daughter is also employing her feminine charms to trap a man but, as an 18- year-old who doesn’t paint herself orange, she’s been far more successful.

Zoe has decided that Dennis is the love of her life and he’s decided she’s the love of the next 30 minutes. “I can’t ‘elp meself,” she moaned to Kelly. “I just ‘ave to ‘ave ‘im.”

It’s good to see that she takes after her mum in so many, many ways.’

Posted: 14th, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink