Anorak News | At Cross Purposes

At Cross Purposes

by | 16th, June 2004

‘POOR old Tony Blair – he can’t do anything right these days.

England bikini, now with free Kilroy Silk tan

This morning, he’s getting a ticking off on the front page of the Sun for not abandoning the whole of his European policy because a few loonies voted for Robert Kilroy Silk.

And the Star this morning accuses the Prime Minister of banning ‘our flag’ – by which it means, of course, the Cross of St George rather than the Union Jack.

‘Tony Blair,’ it complains, ‘is refusing to fly the England flag as the nation’s heroes battle it out in Portugal’.

These would presumably be the same ‘heroes’ who went on the rampage in Albufeira, throwing bottles at the police and, in the words of one Portuguese father, behaving like ‘animals’.

As evidence of Blair’s treachery, the Star notes that ‘not one Government building flew the St George’s Cross yesterday’.

We could of course observe that Tony Blair is the BRITISH Prime Minister and is the leader of the BRITISH Government.

But such constitutional niceties are lost on the Star, which does its bit for English national pride by dressing up Jennifer Ellison in a St George’s cross bikini.

Never one to miss an opportunity to promote itself (under the guise of supporting ‘our boys’), the Sun packs off ‘sexy’ 24-year-old Maddy Ford to Royal Ascot.

‘Punters cheered when they saw her dazzling dress based on the cross of St George,’ it reports. ‘Then she hitched up her frock to reveal her cheeky red Sun knickers.’

We are sure that the twin efforts of Maddy and Jen will propel England to victory against Switzerland tomorrow night whatever Tony Blair and his euro-cronies do to scupper our chances.

But we at Anorak were disappointed to see that the Queen had also failed to get into the spirit of the occasion, wearing a non-descript bright lemon outfit to the races yesterday.

When we phoned to ask why she wasn’t wearing anything from our Euro 2004 commemorative range of EZ-Slax (on top of the pair of Anorak knickers that we sent her), a Palace spokesman declined to comment.

How dare you turn your back on the nation in its moment of need, ma’am!’

Posted: 16th, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink