Anorak News | The Butler Inquiry

The Butler Inquiry

by | 21st, June 2004

‘PAUL Burrell is a family man. Princess Diana’s former butler kept a collection of his former employer’s dresses at his home for safekeeping. He runs a family florist business.

As straight as an Olympic slalom course

As such, he is as un-gay as they come. But when a member of the audience at his one-man show Paul Burrell: In His Own Words announced himself as a reporter from Gay Times, Burrell for some reason blushed.

According to the Mail, he eased off his line of attack (in the show’s Q & A section the reporter had asked him how much money he was making off his multimedia Diana project, and Burrell had dismissed him as member of the press) and said that lots of his friends were gay.

He of course isn’t gay. Burrell is as straight as the manly hip from whence he shoots.

Not many people were in the line of fire last night, however, since only around 300 souls forwent the delights of Portugal v Spain on the telly to be entertained by Burrell’s live show.

Most of the throng, the Mail opines, were members of the dreaded press, although there were several Americans keen to see history in action, and a women from Mauritius who may or may not have been the theatre’s cleaner.

Meanwhile, a small crowd had gathered outside the show and, unless our eyes deceive us, that is Her Majesty and young Prince William raising their clenched fists in anger and looking to deck the toadying little ‘rock’.

Perhaps we have been duped by the Sun, which might just have hired two look-alikes for the job of screaming ‘WE HATE YOU, BUTLER’.

But there can be no mistaking the presence of Arthur Edwards, the Sun’s Royal snapper.

‘Burrell is a traitor cashing in on the Princess’s memory,’ says Arthur. ‘Some people believe he was her ‘rock’, but I’m told he was one stage away from losing his job before she died.’

Which sounds like her death might just have been the best thing that could have happened to Burrell.

Not that he would dignify that notion with a response. Well, not unless we paid £19.50 for a seat in the audience…’

Posted: 21st, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink