Anorak News | Running Out Of Roo-m

Running Out Of Roo-m

by | 22nd, June 2004

‘THE only people, apart from the killjoy safety campaigners, not ‘doing a Rooney’ today are the yokels who live in the English countryside.

Madonna in traditional peasant garb

This is partly because they don’t have TV in the country and newspapers generally arrive a couple of weeks late.

But it also because the countryside is now so crowded that there is barely room to indulge in the olde Englishe sport of cat-swinging, let alone do a cartwheel with quarter turn.

The Independent says more than a million people every decade are turning their backs on civilisation and opting to live with the savages in the villages and hamlets that Starbucks forgot.

Even accounting for the hundreds of thousands of people moving the opposite way in search of fame, fortune and a decent cup of coffee, net migration is running at more than 100,000 a year.

The paper says that, although the population shift has pushed up house prices, it has produced certain social advantages as well.

For instance, the incomers generate employment for local people, who can earn as much as £10 an hour being shot at by Guy, Madonna and their friends.

They also teach them important social skills like table manners, how to speak without dribbling…and who exactly is this Wayne Rooney that everyone’s talking about.’

Posted: 22nd, June 2004 | In: Broadsheets Comment | TrackBack | Permalink