In Rude Health

‘LOOKING at what passes for the typical Englishman drinking in the midday sun in Portugal, it’s hard to believe we once considered it our mission to venture forth and civilise the world.

England’s gift to the world

And the effect of so much vomiting in the gutter, fighting on the beach and holiday souvenirs that the doctor needs to clear up with antibiotics and an umbrella-tipped needle has dented our reputation with them over there.

What the Express calls a ‘major study of residents in all 19 European states’ (19? Has Kilroy caused some to quit the continent already?), has found that the English, together with the rest of the British kind, are ‘rude, narrow-minded, not very sexy’ and eat rubbish food.

Of course, those ruddy stupid foreigners know sod all about us and, if hadn’t been for the war, they’d all be eating enormous sausages. The analysis is wrong, obviously.

And besides, they are all the type of people who respond to a survey – ‘a major survey’ – in Readers’ Digest magazine, the read no statesman can do without.

But to the results. And the findings are, in truth, not that bad.

The UK is the fourth most poplar country among people who complete Readers’ Digest surveys in the Express’s 19 EU member states, with Italy coming out on top.

The UK is also the fourth most disliked country, with Germany securing the top spot in a move that will surprise only the Germans and cause Austria to wonder where it went wrong.

We did finish top when it came to our sense of humour and, when respondents had to select which country had contributed most to the world, the UK romped home.

For all the Express’s reporting, jingoism and bad maths, we are only the third rudest country (Germany wins), and the third most efficient (Germany wins again).

So things are not too bad. And enough for Bob Low, of Readers’ Digest, to say in conclusion: ‘The rest of Europe appears to view us as a nation of Mr Beans and Basil Fawltys.’

Neither or whom were football hooligans. Or indeed real…’

Posted: 23rd, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink