A Bad Herr Day

‘IF we were Italian, we would now be claiming that Urs Meier had been paid by Uefa to ensure the host nation’s continued presence in Euro 2004.

‘I’m just some kind of crazy guy, no?’

But we’re not – so we admit that we were outplayed last night by a very good Portuguese side, we lament our continued inability to retain possession and only then do we whinge about the ref.

Not just for the bloody awful decision that deprived Sol Campbell of a winning goal or the way in which he continually fell for Deco’s diving, but for his hairstyle.

What was the man thinking? Are those highlights in his hair or ‘Club Tropicana’ tips? And as for that blonde goatee…

In future, it would be a useful rule of thumb for Uefa to use while choosing referees that those sporting highlights in their hair, silly beards, tongue studs etc. should be ruled out.

The English referee Mike Riley might be appalling, but at least he looks like a referee should – a cross between a policeman and a chemistry teacher.

Pierluigi Collina, in everyone’s estimation the best referee in the world, isn’t bald with bulging eyes by choice – he looks as nature intended.

But Urs Meier didn’t have to grow that bloody stupid beard; he didn’t have to go to his local salon and ask to look like George Michael in his early Wham days.

He did it because he wants to stand out. He had the misfortune not only to be born Swiss, but to be born Swiss German and he wanted to do something a little crazy.

He’s a grocer by trade, a perfectly respectable profession but one that has propelled very few people to superstardom.

Herr Meier knew that, if he wanted to stand out from the crowd, he’d have to turn himself into Hair Maier. And get himself a website.

And so he did – log onto www.ursmeier.ch and you too can enter the fascinating world of everyone’s favourite Swiss referee.

You can find out that Urs’s hobbies include “schiedsrichterei, football, journeys, vintages, motorcycle driving” (or so claims Anorak’s in-house translator); you can see Urs with a vacuum cleaner. And you can see some pretty groovy pics of Urs with his highlighted hair.

In fact, the only thing you won’t learn about Urs is why – oh why – did he disallow a perfectly good goal in the 88th minute of the game last night.

That is something that will stay between him and his hairstylist.’

Posted: 25th, June 2004 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink