Anorak News | The Dragon Slayer

The Dragon Slayer

by | 25th, June 2004

‘A FIRE-BREATHING dragon caused carnage in Albert Square this week – no, not Pauline Fowler for once, but a funfair ride, brought in to celebrate the Square’s centenary.

‘Did it at least get the Ferreiras?’

Apparently the fact that this little hell on earth has been around for 100 years was seen as a cause for celebration by its residents but, as regular soap viewers know, there’s no such thing as a celebration in Walford: every episode has to end in misery for at least one cast member.

As this was a centenary celebration, however, producers pulled out all the stops and ensured that pretty much everyone ended up in tears.

Ian Beale, that great Walford business magnate, had set up a giant inflatable dragon in the Square and charging people a pound a ride (clearly having taken advice from Kat on what the going rate is in East London these days).

And who could have predicted that the ride would collapse, trapping half the cast under it? Only anyone with an I.Q. over 4.

Sonia rushed in to help the wounded, “Wif my training I fort I might be able to help,” she told Dr Leroy. Her training in what? Being able to survive off her own body fat for months if needed.

The tragedy has made Sonia realise that she wants to go back to her nursing training – after having announced to Pauline and Dot that she was going to give it up to become a full-time housewife.

Pauline and Dot were also trapped under their cake stall when the ride collapsed. The pair hadn’t been talking to each other, having fallen out over, amongst other things, who had the nicest hat and who made the best cake.

The hours they spent trapped under an enormous monster made them realise that they needed to change their lives.

Which is exactly the same reason that Alfie had decided to walk out on Kat after six months of marriage. “I can’t carry on living like this,” he told Spencer before packing up all his belongings (which of course managed to fit into a tiny holdall) and leaving the Square.

The news of the accident, however, sent him scurrying back and he and Kat were united together as they waited for Spencer to get dug up.

Other casualties of the great inflatable disaster were Ian, who seemed to be trapped under a small sheet of plywood and Lynne Slater. “I think I’ve lost me baby!” she screamed (you’ve also lost your contract, love.)

The most depressing thing about the entire contrived episode though was the fact that the Teflon-like Ferrarias were nowhere near the accident and have lived to bore another day.’

Posted: 25th, June 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink