Malice At The Palace

‘THE big gates and 8ft wall surrounding Beckingham Palace serve the purpose of keeping the commoners out – but they also, by happy coincidence, keep the Beckhams in.

‘At him, boy!’

Given Posh’s vocal performances and Day-vid’s recent showings on the pitch, it’s a miracle the locals of Sawbridgeworth haven’t dug a deep, wide moat around the Beckhams’ mansion and filled it with vengeful musos and angry English football hooligans to scare the couple into staying put.

Whether the man caught yesterday prowling the palace’s inner compound has a keen ear for music and a lager-fuelled love for his country is not revealed by the Mail.

All we know is that he has been apprehended.

And it’s a good job he was caught early, since the Sun reports that the intruder, who had scaled the perimeter wall and was ranting and raving outside the property, was in possession of petrol and a crowbar.

But before you shudder in dread at the impending mayhem, know that, like Posh’s solo musical career and Dave’s penalty, this is a story of what might have been.

Just like Posh’s musical career and Dave’s Euro 2004 campaign, it promised the world and delivered nothing – the ‘maniac’ was intercepted by security guards before any harm could be done.

But the experience was not without its victims, and Victoria was left trembling.

‘Victoria is shaken up,’ says a source close to the family. ‘He was ranting and raving about David. He wasn’t really making any sense, but the terrifying thing was that he had petrol with him.’

Okay, so it’s an unusual thing to carry around a canister of petrol, but perhaps the unnamed man, who has been questioned and released on police bail, was just looking for his car.

As for the ranting and raving, the explanation is clear – he was just a desperate songwriter keen to showcase his new tune to the talented Posh.

Her misunderstanding of the situation might just be further evidence of what we suspected all along – that she wouldn’t know a good song if it jumped over a wall and shouted in her face…’

Posted: 20th, July 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink