Who Dumped Whom?

‘AS if eavesdropping on the bitchy fall-out from a failed teenage romance, we learn more today about how Sven and Nancy came to break up.

‘And he’s got a little willy’

The Mirror tells us that it wasn’t Nancy Dell’Olio that dumped Sven, but the England manager that kicked his Italian girlfriend into touch.

While just yesterday Nancy’s gang were whispering about how Sven wasn’t man enough for the Italian lawyer, Sven’s mates are today passing round a note that says he’d been trying to dump the woman since Christmas.

The Mirror laps it up, and then hears from Graziella Mancinelli, Sven’s girlfriend before Nancy came along.

Leaning on the lockers, Graziella is talking in a too-loud voice about how she’s really pleased her old flame’s dumped Nancy and how ‘Sven is too nice for her’.

And Mancinelli – far from bitter about being dumped by Sven for Nancy, despite having left her husband in 1993 to be with the heartbreaker – has more to say about her fellow Italian.

‘She is ambitious, but not in a nice way, more of a vulgar way,’ says the woman who’s put her failed love affair with Sven well and truly behind her.

‘She apparently talks about her own fame now, but she is nothing without Sven. Her VIP status will fade without him.’

That it might. But over in the girl’s toilets, Nancy finds an unlikely ally in Shar Jackson, who’s just given birth to Britney Spears’ fiancé Kevin Federline’s second child.

Jackson tells the Express that she bears no ill will towards multi-millionaire Britney, her child’s stepmother-to-be.

Because – and listen up, Graziella – ‘you should never blame the other woman’.

Meanwhile, over in the school canteen, Nancy finds yet more support, this time in the not inconsiderable shape of Vanessa Feltz.

Blessed with experience gleaned from her former career as a magistrate (and from being dumped by her cheating husband), Vanessa is holding court by the lo-fat spotted dick and custard.

She has heard from the Nancy salon and the Sven camp and now passes her judgment on all matters, via the Star.

‘Any bloke who plays away is a bastard,’ says Judge Nessy. ‘Cheats are amoral liars… Sven is a slippery sod… He’s a hard, dried-up, emotionless, robot of a man.’

So there you have it. We’ve heard from Nancy, Sven and their witnesses, studied the case, deliberated over the details and come up with the verdict that Sven never slept with Vanessa Feltz.

Which, given his track record, is something of an oversight…’

Posted: 22nd, July 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink