Anorak News | Britney’s Screwed

Britney’s Screwed

by | 31st, July 2004

‘NO-ONE as far as Anorak knows has died from having too much sex.

Is too much sex making Kevin look old before his time?

Leslie Ash, of course, has had a pretty good go, but even the combination of husband Lee Chapman and hospital superbug MRSA wasn’t enough to finish her off.

But Britney Spears could soon be staring at ceiling of the Grim Reaper’s bedroom if she carries on her bonkathon with fiancé Kevin Federline.

According to the National Enquirer, the singer’s pals are worried that “excessive sex is ruining Brit’s health”.

“When Britney and Kevin were in Hawaii recently they spent most of their time in bed,” says an insider, “only rarely taking time out from their constant love-making to enjoy the gorgeous tropical beaches.

“Nor could Britney get by on her European tour without having regular sex with Kevin.”

The fact that two recently engaged twentysomethings spend most of their free time in bed together will come as little surprise to most readers.

But the Enquirer warns that their bedroom antics “are taking their toll on the over-sexed pop tart who’s been photographed swigging stimulants like Ginseng and Red Bull to boost her energy”.

She’s beginning to look red-eyed, she’s getting bags under her eyes and “her once fresh face is bloated and covered with acne”.

Classic signs of sex addiction, says the Enquirer’s pet psychologist Dr Lillian Glass.

“Too much sex, like too much of anything, can be extremely hazardous to your health,” she says.

“For Britney, sex may have become an obsession that’s consuming her every fiber.”

The warning signs are all there – the Enquirer publishes pictures of the 22-year-old with her erect nipples “bursting” through her tight top and her tongue sticking out “salaciously”.

And as any decent sexologist will tell you, erect nipples and lolling tongue are symptoms of an advanced stage of sex addiction.

If Britney doesn’t seek help now, she’ll be dead in six months…’

Posted: 31st, July 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink