Anorak News | The First Noel

The First Noel

by | 6th, August 2004

‘DID Noel Edmonds kill television?

Wanted! For the brutal murder of British TV

That’s a rather silly question, dumbed-down, even. The answer is that the bearded former disc jockey who gave us his House Party did not kill telly – he murdered it.

He bludgeoned the magic box to death. He bled it of all life. He massacred the thing we love so much with his god awful shows.

And his legacy lingers on. Without Noel’s Telly Addicts TV quiz, would we have got the current strain of Mastermind? We think not.

Whereas train drivers and cabbies used to answer questions on The Life And Works Of Charles Dickens and The Russian Revolution, today’s contestants swot up on Alan Partridge and Only Fools And Horses.

According to the Shadow Culture Secretary Julie Kirkbride, who speaks to the Express, the show is now playing ‘to the lowest common denominator rather than keeping some sort of intellectual purity’.

A spokesman for an Independent TV campaign called tells the paper that they agree.

‘This is rubbish passed off as public service broadcasting,’ they say. ‘It is no longer a serious quiz but dumb entertainment for the cerebrally challenged.’

It’s true that ‘What is the name of Marlene and Boyce’s dog?’ (Answer: Duke) lacks the erudition of ‘Which great American hero was one of 17 boys of a Boston soap and candle maker?’ (Answer: Benjamin Franklin).

But it could be worse – Jessie Wallace and not John Humphrys could be asking the questions.

And do not doubt that the flesh and bone answer to Edmonds’ terrifying Mr Blobby may get that gig and any other BBC job she might fancy.

The Mirror reports that the mono-dimensional harpy who plays EastEnders’ mono-dimensional harpy Kat Slater is ‘being groomed as the face of BBC1’.

Bring back the Test Card girl, all is forgiven. You never finished your game of noughts and crosses, but you also never made people watching at home gag on their dinner and hide behind the sofa.

But then you were around in TV’s halcyon days before Edmonds arrived at Television Centre. Nowadays, you’ve probably got a beard and swapped teddy for a fat pink lump of rubber…’

Posted: 6th, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink