Sex Sven-gali

‘IT is hard to know what we care about least – Svengate or Big Brother.

But is it porn?

After two weeks of saturation coverage of both, we are already praying for an end to the summer silly season and a return to real news.

And, if not real news, then at least what passes for real news among the British tabloid press.

Thanks to Faria Alam’s “exclusive” interviews with the News Of The World, Mail On Sunday and ITV’s Tonight programme, however, we now know a little bit more about Sven’s domestic habits.

She recounts how they first made love at his luxury villa in Sweden…but only after he had cleared the table and loaded the dishwasher.

“We had a wonderful dinner,” she recalls. “When we finished, I was full of anticipation, but he wanted to clear the plates away first.

“After he filled the dishwasher, he led me up to his bedroom where he picked me up in his arms and gently lay me down on his huge four-poster bed.

“We made passionate love and it was beautiful. Then Sven got up and pulled on some cotton pyjamas before returning to bed.”

We have no doubt that the cotton pyjamas were neatly pressed nor that Sven would fold his clothes neatly over the back of his chair when he took them off.

This is not a man given to surrendering to his passions, as anyone who has watched him in the dugout during an England game will attest.

But what of Nancy? The Sun claims that the 45-year-old Italian could get her revenge on Sven by revealing all about her six years in an interview or even a book.

And there is plenty of revenge to be had after Faria’s claims that Sven and her had not had sex for more than a year, that she was obsessed with fame and money and that she was “absolutely mad” and prone to plate-throwing tantrums.

“What did Nancy ever do to Faria to deserve these insults?” asks the Sun.

Nothing. But which was the newspaper that paid the former Soho Square PA a small fortune to describe Nancy as a “sick and twisted drag queen”?

That would be the Sun’s sister paper, the News Of The World.’

Posted: 9th, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink