Anorak News | Playing Chicken

Playing Chicken

by | 16th, August 2004

‘THE search for renewable sources of energy, the drive to find life on other planets and the quest to restore Anthea Turner to our TV screens are all walks in the park compared to today’s mission – to make Stuart Wilson interesting.

There was no shortage of tits in the Big Brother house

OK! has never baulked in the face of mediocrity – why, it has even managed to give reality TV star Kerry McFadden her own column.

So, when it gives Stu a guitar to pose with, the hope is that the instrument will lend him some degree of charisma.

Sadly, it fails, and we find ourselves wondering where the guitar was made and what shop it came from and not thinking about Stu or what Stu is about to play.

But then the only thing Stu’s fingers are interested in strumming these days is Michelle Bass, the brassy Geordie lass with whom he may not have had sex on the Big Brother TV show.

We can’t be sure what went on because the couple who volunteered to be filmed for 24 hours a day for ten weeks and dropped their clothes at a moment’s notice, have suddenly come over all coy.

And even when OK! asks what went on beneath that table for a third time, the pair are ‘united in their shy defence’.

And then OK! gets a little stuck. Michelle and Stuart have nothing left to offer.

So, instead of revelations about Stu’s private life (the pubic hair ball he keeps under his pillow; his world-class collection of J-cloths) and how Michelle just loves sex and Countdown, we get the story of their love.

We hear how they met (on a TV show), how they kissed (on a TV show), what they thought of each other when they met (on a TV show) what happened when they were evicted from the Big Brother house (on a TV show).

The only question left to ask them is: ‘So, one last time for the record: did you have sex in the house?’

And that’s a record someone needs to change very soon…’

Posted: 16th, August 2004 | In: Reviews Comment | TrackBack | Permalink