Anorak News | Pinch Di-ane Inch

Pinch Di-ane Inch

by | 19th, August 2004

”Q: WHAT weighs 19 stone, exercises rarely and snacks on crisps and fizzy drinks?’

Give her a yard…

That’s the Mail’s headline question. And our call centre in Delhi has already received some curious answers from our readers.

No, it’s not Vanessa Feltz. No, it’s not the new baby elephant at London zoo. And no, it’s not the combined weight of La Famiglia Blair.

The answer is…well, let’s allow the Mail to complete what it began. ‘A: Your friendly council healthy living advisor.’

For the record, she goes by the name of Diane Inch. And a picture of the Liberal Democrat councillor for the Cheshire borough of Halton can be seen in all the papers.

In the Express, Mrs Inch even holds up a plate of fruit, ostensibly to support her drive to improve her parish’s eating habits, but, more likely, she’s just trying offload the monkey grub on someone else, while she uses her chubby paws to stuff a Mars bar in…sideways.

And while Diane’s jaws are glued together on a mixture of glucose and nougart, don’t you start having a go, because she says her own bulk is the result of ‘modern living’.

As she tells the Express: ‘My weight problem is down to a lack of exercise. I just don’t have the time.

‘I know I am a prime example of the country’s disturbing rise in the rate of obesity but my weight problem is a question of lifestyle and not the result of bad eating.’

Of course it is.

Only, a few moments on and poor Diane, a victim of our times, tells us: ‘Nowadays, they [children] often choose the quick-fix of chips and a can of coke. We have all done it. I am the worst culprit.’

She goes on: ‘I will be thinking of ways to make exercise and healthy eating fun and the way I look should have nothing to do with it.’

So let’s leave her girth out of it, and allow her to get on with her job of telling others what they should be like.

And if she needs to mull matters over with the aid of a few pies and a gallon of Vimto, let her. We’ll all feel the benefits soon enough…’

Posted: 19th, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink