Unlucky In Love

‘EVEN by Walford standards, Ian’s unlucky with the ladies. He’s buried two wives, had one run out on him on his wedding day and even Janine would only sleep with him for money.

‘I suppose a shag’s out of the question’

He thought his luck had changed though when Kate revealed that Walford new-comer Jane had the hots for him.

Kate decided to do a spot of match-making, which probably wasn’t strictly out of the kindness of her heart – having been the object of the odious Ian’s advances on more than one occasion, she thought that, like a teenager with a dose of herpes, the best thing to do was to pass him on to someone else.

Although Jane does actually seem to like Ian, she had to reject Ian’s advances because she has a terminally ill husband in a hospice. Of course she has! This is Walford, what else did Ian expect?

The course of true love isn’t running smoothly for poor Sonia and Martin either at the moment. Living with Pauline (aka ‘The Toxic Witch’) means that they don’t get a moment to themselves.

Sonia is desperate for them to get a place of their own. “We’re a newly-wed couple, we should be running around the ‘ouse naked,” she told Martin, who for some bizarre reason didn’t run screaming and puking into the next room – as I did.

Sonia’s plan to rent a flat was spoilt by Pauline, however, who’s offered to buy her council house for the couple. “Now you can stay here forever and ever,” she said – sounding more like Norman Bates’ mother with every episode.

Things are set to get even worse for Sonia in a couple of weeks when Martin ends up bedding a waitress on his belated stag do. It’s no surprise that she’s taken to her trumpet again.

Den’s bedroom antics also continue to shock and sicken. First, he tried to win back Kate. “Now Chrissie’s gone, we can give it another shot,” he told a horrified Kate, who it seems has finally seen Den for the hideous old hide-bound lech that he is.

Den’s always subscribed to the Mae West school of heartbreak, though – i.e. the best way to get over a lover is to get under another. The very next night, Den was seen picking up a one-night stand and taking her back to the house.

“Your dad’s disgustin’,” Zoe told Dennis when she found a stray bra behind the sofa the next day – if only she knew the half of it, eh?

Buoyed up by his cheap and nasty one-night stand, Den decided to teach Andy a lesson. Den’s still under the misapprehension that it’s the mid-80’s (not only with his dress sense) and that he’s a big name gangster.

He decided to try to fleece Andy with a betting scam and he’s enlisted Pat to help. Andy had given Pat a job in the bookies as he thought her loyal, dependable and stupid – which are similar reasons why people keep dogs.

But even dogs can bite back and, when Andy refused to give Pat an advance on her wages, she agreed to help Den.

Den’s scam involved Pat giving Den blank betting slips that had been signed and time stamped by her. Then all he had to do was write in the name of the winning horse after the race and collect his five thousand pound winnings.

Unfortunately for Den, Andy was quick to realise that Den was trying to scam him. “No one’s that calm when they’ve won five grand,” Andy sneered to Pat.

Not even someone who’s as bad an actor as Den is.’

Posted: 23rd, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink