Anorak News | Porn To Win

Porn To Win

by | 25th, August 2004

‘FOR those of you returning from your summer holidays, we should point out that the clutch of players on the cover of the Guardian’s sports section are not American footballers or Albania’s 4x400m relay Olympic hopefuls – they are the latest Chelsea team.

XXX girl-on-girl podium action!

Last night, the Blues – now black with flashes of silver and white – beat Crystal Palace (still recognisable to all as being relegation material) 2-0.

And that win means they are now top of the Premiership table with a perfect record of three wins from three starts.

So much for the information, now for the sports proper, and the Telegraph’s news that Kelly Holmes is on track to make history.

Buoyed by her fabulous gold medal run in the 800 metres, Holmes has qualified for the 1500 metres semi-finals.

“She can do it,” says Seb Coe, who is confident that Holmes can beings home not one, but two golds.

“She can do it easily,” says Steve Ovett, Coe’s rival of old.

Soon enough we will know if these Olympics have produced a genuine sporting hero.

But while much of Britain was cheering Holmes on, for many Olympic enthusiasts, the Games begin and end with the women’s beach volleyball cabaret.

The soft porn element of this so-called sport has been given a hard core slant by the Independent’s news that the winners of the women’s gold medal are called Kerri Walsh and…Misty May.

We are no experts in pornography here at Anorak Towers, but the IT department are certain to a sweaty-palmed man that a certain Misty May has juggled balls of another sort in the past.

Of course, the lads in IT should watch what they say, especially if Misty is dating someone like Amir Khan, the 17-year-old British boxer.

The Times was there to see Khan pulverise South Korea’s Baik Jong-Sub in just 97 seconds and so earn himself a bronze medal at least.

“I am thrilled,” says Khan. “I came here wanting a medal of some description and now I have got that medal no-one can take it away from me.”

It would be foolish man who even tries.’

Posted: 25th, August 2004 | In: Back pages Comment | TrackBack | Permalink