Anorak News | The Odd Couple

The Odd Couple

by | 27th, August 2004

‘INTERNET users of the world, be warned – Dirty Den is set to leave Walford soon to start a two-month suspension.

The Talented Ferreiras

Let’s not even imagine what he’s going to be doing with all that spare time. Before he leaves, however, Den is doing his best to ensure that not a single person is going to miss him – other than the local taxidermy firm who’ve been employed to make sure no one can see the joins.

Den’s scheme to cheat Andy out of five thousand pounds backfired when even Pat turned against him – and we all know she does anything for money. He also managed to alienate his son, Mini-Den by trying to get off with his girlfriend, Zoe.

Even by Den’s standards, trying to pull not only his son’s girlfriend – but someone 30 years younger than him is pretty grim. Yes, he bedded the schoolgirl Michelle Fowler, but do you remember the state of her?

It took Dot of all people to talk some sense into Den when they had a bizarre bonding session in the launderette. They sat down together, a pair of rotting skeletons; all sunken eyes and saggy skin hanging off their bones – it was like a scene from Return Of The Living Dead.

Dot confronted Den about his inability to grow up (which is ironic seeing as he looks about 103 these days) and Den confronted Dot for not telling Jim that she had cancer.

“Who’s going to tick me off when I step out of line if you go?” Den asked her. Other than News of The World journalists, obviously.

The odd couple made a pact; that Dot would tell her husband the truth if Den went after Chrissie, thus setting up nicely his departure from Walford.

EastEnders producers must be having some sort of competition to come up with the most bizarre and freakish pairings at the moment. You’d have thought nothing could have topped Den and Dot but that was until Sasha and Adi got together.

Sasha is the classic ‘tart with the heart’ so-beloved of middle-class scriptwriters. The Ferreira family have rescued Sasha from a life of prostitution when they found her in a lap-dancing club – if only someone would now rescue us from the Ferreira family.

The Ferreira boys thought it would be a jolly jape to have a competition to see who could pull her and set about wooing her in their various ways. Tariq took her to the Vic and tried to get her drunk, Ash took her on a picnic and Ronnie tried to impress her with his dj-ing.

To be fair it would be hard to choose between any of the brothers; it would be like trying to pick out the talented one in Girls Aloud.

However, not even Nostradamus could have predicted that Sasha would have picked Adi, the short, fat useless one of the Ferreira household (think Robbie Williams in his Take That days).

Even Adi was taken aback when Sasha made her move on him. “You’re not like other men,” she told him. How right she is.’

Posted: 27th, August 2004 | In: Tabloids Comment | TrackBack | Permalink